after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
