I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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