nut hugger
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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