Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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