wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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