I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
