so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
