Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
