Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
