Got a toothbrush?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
