I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
