Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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