Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
