you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
