you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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