I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
