I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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