I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
