You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He better not be in your backpack
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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