I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
