Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
