youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
