it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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