Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
