420 ftw
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
