at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
