Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
