so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
