WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
