so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
