this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
