She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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