I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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