I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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