oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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