If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
