so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
