we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
