he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dicks are not precious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
