ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
