if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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