Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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