dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
