I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found your dick twin last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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