Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
