Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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