i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i think my cat just said my name.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
