just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
