forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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