I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
